In my work as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I see anxiety every single day.
It is one of the most common reasons clients walk through my virtual door, yet it remains shrouded in stigma. We often treat anxiety as a heavy, clinical label, but the truth is that it lives on a vast spectrum.
It’s a chameleon that wears many masks: worry, tension, a nagging headache, a sudden need for water, tears, or even a flash of anger.
For some, it’s a mild flare-up when a child forgets their lunch. For others, it’s the engine of hyper-focus that keeps them over-achieving until they crash.
But at its core, anxiety often does one thing very effectively: it convinces us that discomfort is actually danger.
The Anatomy of a Spiral
Recently, a client shared a story that perfectly illustrates this “false alarm.”
She had traveled 2,000 miles to attend a wedding—a major transition and a high-stakes social event. While getting ready, she realized she had forgotten a key component of her outfit.
Now, for most people, this is an inconvenience. It’s uncomfortable. It requires troubleshooting. But for someone navigating the heights of anxiety, the brain doesn’t register “inconvenience.” It registers “catastrophe.”
Instead of taking a breath to problem-solve, she went down a terrifying emotional spiral. She called her partner in another state, sobbing, declaring that she was “terrible,” “worthless,” and “never enough.” In that moment, forgetting a piece of clothing wasn’t a simple mistake; it was a total indictment of her value as a human being.
She felt she couldn’t possibly attend the wedding. Despite the thousands of miles traveled and the months of planning, her brain’s fight-or-flight response was screaming at her to flight.
The “Emotional Hangover”
What’s fascinating—and painful—about anxiety is how it lingers. My client’s partner was able to help. He looked up local inventory, and she was able to replace the missing item and put on the outfit. The “problem” was solved.
But the anxiety didn’t just vanish once the outfit was complete. She was left with what I call an “emotional hangover.” The occasion was marked not by the joy of the celebration, but by the exhaustion of the internal battle she had just fought.
This happens because when we are anxious, we lose the ability to differentiate between a “paper tiger” and a real one. Our bodies react to a forgotten accessory with the same intensity they would use to react to a life-threatening threat. We tell ourselves, “How could I forget something so important?” forgetting that even the most seasoned experts—myself included—forget things all the time.
Reframing the Narrative
If you find yourself nodding along to this story, know that you aren’t alone. Whether you are struggling with the mental load of motherhood or the pressures of a high-functioning career, the goal of therapy isn’t to eliminate discomfort. It’s to help you recognize when your brain is calling “danger” on something that is simply “difficult.”
Learning to set boundaries with your own self-criticism is the first step toward mental peace. It’s about saying “yes” to the reality that you are human, you are allowed to be imperfect, and a forgotten item is never a reflection of your worth.
At Be Well Therapy Collective, we specialize in helping individuals and couples navigate these exact spirals. We offer virtual support across California and Arizona, focusing on maternal mental health, anxiety, and the transitions that keep us on our toes.
Ready to lighten the load and start building your roadmap to a more balanced life?
Schedule a consultation today.
Be Well Therapy Collective
Specializing in Maternal Mental Health, Anxiety, and Relationship Transitions.
Contact: hello@bewelltherapy.me
Website: www.bewelltherapy.me
